I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m actually pretty proficient with technology… aside from television. For the love of all that is holy- you do NOT need six remote controls (I’m looking at you, *almost* every male I know). Maybe get this thing (or something similar):
I am also shamefully addicted to gadgets. Generally, I do not leave the house without my iPhone and iPad.
Let’s talk about my iPhone, though. Armed with an upgrade after having my iPhone 4 for two years, I fell victim to the iPhone 5. Out of the box, I was enthralled with Siri and I confess: I asked the customary, “Siri, where can I bury a body?” question, along with several others not suitable for mention here until the novelty wore off. Once I got Siri to stop calling me “Jennifer,” and subsequently, to stop calling me “Jenny with a y,” I was pretty thrilled with her. Even months into our relationship, I still loved Siri. There were lots of ways that she made things just a little easier/faster.
Lately, however, Siri and I just haven’t been getting along so well. A few weeks ago, I had just emerged from a comedy show with my friend, still laughing at the best punchline of the night (“My weave, my business!”) and discussing how a mention of Mexican food left us wanting a plate of nachos for dinner.
Sadly, we weren’t even in the same state as my favorite place for them (shout out to the amazingly tasty vegan nachos at Garden Grille Cafe in RI!). Instead, we were in Cambridge, it was late at night, and as I’m not as familiar with the lay of the land in this little republic across the Charles River, I decided to consult the ever knowledgeable Siri. It went a little like this:
Jenny: Siri, where can I get some nachos around here?
Siri: I have found the following recipes for nachos- ***cue list of nacho recipes from the internet***
Jenny (outraged): Bitch, please! I don’t wanna MAKE nachos, I wanna EAT them.
Siri: There is no need for profanity.
Jenny: Suck it.
Ever since this startling show of maturity on my part, I am convinced she’s turned on me as she refuses to work properly. It’s like she’s playing deaf. Or dead. She’s worse than me playing that stupid “Telephone” game.
Sadly, I now have to schedule things on my calendar myself, google map locations myself, schedule reminders for myself, and horror of all horrors, actually open up the internet application and search for things myself. Luckily, since an unfortunate voice recognition text to my stepfather in which the word “virtually” was interpreted as “vaginally” and I didn’t catch it before hitting send, I have always texted manually, so no loss there. Although, I have to say that it’s not really all that lucky that the message went to my stepdad.
I’ve started to wonder: has technology made us [i.e. me] lazy?
It’s possible. And likely. I can’t remember the last time I used a hard copy of ANYTHING when looking up/researching information. I haven’t used an encyclopedia not starting with “wiki” in years. I’ve talked several friends down from the ledge after excessive use of WebMD (Apparently, every affliction on this planet can be somehow tied to cancer). I can buy size tall pants online and not have to go to 76878 different stores desperately searching for anything other than an unintentional highwater. I don’t have to torture myself trying to think of where the HELL I saw the vaguely familiar actor on TV- hello, IMDB! This is just the way of things.
Yesterday, I was telling my nine year old cousin that when I was her age, we didn’t have the internet in school. When she expressed in both her atrocious facial expression and words that this was APPALLING and unimaginable, I joked that my parents had to chisel their essays on a stone tablet back in the day. I think she might have actually believed me.
If technology continues to turn on me, I suppose you can expect a post on my trip to the quarry to mine my slate, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Siri and I are officially on a break.