Pintesting: Or as my mother would say: Pin-nin-testing.

First, I can no longer pronounce Pinterest properly in my head, as I can only hear my mother saying”Pin-nin-terest.”  It’s quite the affliction.

Keep reading. I promise this graphic is relevant to this post.

Keep reading. I promise this graphic is relevant to this post.

Anyway, I’ve shared my frenemy relationship with this soul-sucking black hole of a website where twee goes to die.  Alas, I keep going back to it.  Pinterest and I never stay broken up.  I was terribly afraid I was alone in my love/hate relationship with this instrument of the devil, when I discovered Sonja Foust’s blog: Pintester.  What is this stroke of genius, you ask? Well, in the name of research, Sonja tests pins so we don’t have to.  She has wrapped her body in saran wrap after coating it with a questionable mixture of old body creams, made satanic deviled eggs, nearly set her hand on fire, created baked goods that would probably bounce, and much more.  As an added bonus, she has a delightfully dirty sense of humor while she does it (if you have a “delicate constitution” when it comes to profanity and filthy jokes, this isn’t the blog for you).  It’s a winning combination.

So, when Sonja put out the call to ask us “Pintestes” (there’s that dirty thing) to join her in the Pintester movement, I signed up and prepared to fail quite hilariously, vowing to pick the weirdest pin I could find. I then amended it to “the weirdest pin I could find that wouldn’t give me nightmares,” probably because of visual dalliances with things likes this :

Someone, somewhere, actually made this.  And presumably, brought it out into public.  Around people.

Someone, somewhere, actually made this and presumably, brought it out into public.                                                                         Notice how it appears to have retained its ass imprinted shape.

Next up from this crafter: "How to build a floating canoe for your dish soap with popsicle sticks and a glue gun!"

Next up: “How to build a floating canoe for your dish soap with popsicle sticks and a glue gun!”

I would like to take this opportunity to go on record as saying that if I EVER start to dress, accessorize, or otherwise “jazz up” my cleaning supplies (this includes glitter in the windex), please send help.  Moving on.  Very nearly frightened out of doing this project, I decided to take a break and feasted my eyes on this little rock.

For a split second, my heart lifted, but then I remembered that my life is not a Hallmark movie.  No way could I secure one of these things by the deadline of May 30.    Phooey.  It's probably a blood diamond, anyway.

For a split second, my heart lifted, but then I remembered that my life is not a Hallmark movie. No way could I secure one of these things by the deadline of May 30. Phooey. It’s probably a blood diamond, anyway.

Bolstered by this showing of good taste, I forged on, turning my attention to fashion DIY.

Now, I will say that this was pinned for that scarf.  I'm not sure what it says about me that I found myself thinking, "I suppose you could glue one of those things from Pier 1 to a headband and call it a day."   NO, JENNY!"

Now, I will say that this was pinned for that scarf. I’m not sure what it says about me that I found myself thinking, “I suppose you could find a ball thingy like that from Pier 1, glue it to a headband and call it a day.” See what Pinterest does to you?

I quickly veered back to the Craft/DIY section, where I happened upon what appeared to be a pretty promising project.  Until I realized I would have to paint hundreds of plastic spoons by hand.

llama meme

I made one more tentative fray outside of the Craft/DIY section, where a recipe for vegan deviled eggs caught my attention, but I was deterred by the thought that if they really were as “true to the real thing” as possible, that sulfur smell had to come from SOMEWHERE.  About to give up, I decided to give the Crafts/DIY section one more shot and  lo and behold!  Buried in a quite religious-leaning post, complete with fanciful prose was a project that I could do, would LIKE to do, and wouldn’t require a trip to a hardware store, the art store, or result in a trip to the emergency room.  I gathered my supplies, and prepared to complete my pintest.

feathers pin

You’ll see that I declined to use bible pages and hymnals (I really have no idea, but is cutting up the bible kind of like cutting up the flag?), choosing instead to use some colorful papers I had lying around.  My supplies:

Getting Started

Obviously, the occasion called for coffee frozen yogurt and strawberries. I also threw in the paper, wire cutters, tacky glue, metal rods and scissors.

 The first instruction I ignored?  Rather than use the template, I eyeballed the feather and metal rod cutting because I am a complete rebel. Basically, I cut some wonky looking surfboard shapes with the paper back-to-back and glued the rods in between so the patterned paper showed on both sides.

IN PROGRESS

Then, it was time to move to cover the ends, a task that inspired a bit of profanity.  The finished product?  Absolutely terrible.

BAD QUILL2

This wasn’t the last mistake I made, either.  There was an unfortunate slip of the scissors, which, thank the Pinterest gods, I was able to fix.

MISTAKE

Despite these two earth shattering obstacles, I bravely forged on after peeling the layers of glue from my cuticles.  I made the cuts, and used my fingers to shape the feathers ever so slightly.  I suppose I ended up with a decent product. Here’s a side by side comparison:

FINAL FEATHERS

Here they are in an appropriately twee setting.

Feathers in vase

So, my first Pintest was a success.  I’m sure this is because I didn’t smear weird things on my face, use an iron for a purpose other than to iron clothing or linens, combine brownies, cookies, pie and bourbon into a brookpiebon or something along those lines, or attempt to make a smart car out of lincoln logs.  Keeping it simple is sometimes the best way to go.